Blogshaming, broccoli, self-sabotage and other psych outs

Last month the Happy Scrappy Blogger and I attended a WordPress class at our local library. The immediate result? I blogshamed myself out of posting for weeks on end. Actually, I struggled with blogging in the first place because I immediately started comparing myself with long-standing bloggers who have been around for years and are branded out the yin-yang. It’s easy to feel like you can’t make a dent. I learned a lot in the class. Enough to know that I started before I was ready, which is a big pattern of mine.

This blogshaming led to another realization. I’ve been psyching myself out for yeeeears. Really, since I was a child. I remember misspelling broccoli (BROCCOLI!!) during a grade-school spelling bee. I mean, for the love of Pete, I deliberately said “y” instead of “i” even though I knew how to spell the dang word. I didn’t even attempt to correct myself after that letter slipped out of my mouth.

Who does that?

People who psych out and sabotage themselves. Is it a fear of success? Angst about being the center of attention? Childish and irresponsible behavior? A symptom of just not caring? I’m sure it’s all of those and much more.

I did all kinds of things to limit myself.

  • Severe procrastination? Yep.
  • Smothering s.o.’s in relationships? Ding ding.
  • Creating new stressors to avoid an original stressor? Check please!

The beautiful part is that I finally realized what I was doing to myself and made strides to snap out of it. Of course I still procrastinate, but I am way better than I used to be. I do smother my bebe with attention, but since he’s my kid I think that’s okay (for now.) And I am hyper aware of not letting myself become obsessed or stressed out about peripheral situations in an attempt to avoid a main stressor. When I feel uncomfortable or weird about something, I try to get at the root of it right away. That’s helpful.

The biggest picture is that I feel purpose-driven now as opposed to just randomly wandering around in my own life. Most of that is because I had Hayden. Without him, I would probably still be wandering around quite haphazardly. Not to say that you need to have a child to figure yourself out (or that I’ve figured everything out.) Heck no. But I do think spending a bit of time determining your why is key. You might not be ready to soul search and that’s okay; you definitely have to be in the right place for that. We’re all capable of so many unexpected things, so get out of your own way!

Any other saboteurs out there? I’d love to hear some stories and if you had a realization/turning point. (Particularly if it involved a green vegetable.)

Categories: Gossip

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3 replies »

  1. OMGOSHHHHHHHH Thank you for writing this. I’ve been self-sabotaging all of my life. Today I decided to do something about it. So, here I am at 12:46 am knowing I have to get up at 4:30 am for work researching SELF SABOTAGING!!! I’ve been “homeless” for 2.5 years and I’m finally in a place where I could rent my very own apartment. So, I applied for my apartment and I GOT IT! So, the repairs and such took almost a month during this time I spent the money for my first months rent and my deposit. SELF SABOTAGING because I didn’t believe it was all really happening. I always look for the bad to come immediately following the good. If the bad doesn’t show up I make away to be sure it’ll show up by self sabotaging. Today I’m so over it. I have to call and see if I can still move in with the little money that I do have. I’m now worried sick about the entire situation that i personally created. I hope and I pray that this is the end of my self sabotaging endeavors. This is no fun. Thanks again for writing this blog and letting me know I’m not alone in this. God Bless you!!!

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