Haters gonna hate

Cropped_Clara Bow in boxing glovesI lurk a lot. (Don’t worry, I’m not stalking you. Unless you’re Benedict Cumberbatch, in which case all bets are off.) I just like to hang out on certain websites and dip my toe in the water before I dive in with a comment or question. So I suppose I should have known better than to get myself in the following situation.

I’ve been lurking on Cafe Mom for about 3 months now. Honestly, I had never heard of it but one of my work colleagues mentioned that it might be good to get involved. Finally, a few weeks ago I posted my profile and asked (what I thought was) an innocent personal question, one that I genuinely wanted to know the answer to because it had long-term consequences for both me and my child.

And so what happened?

…I immediately got jumped by “moms” who called me out for asking the question and judging me for the actions I had already taken, which was not the point of my question. I wanted to pull a Liz Lemon I was so annoyed but I forced myself to walk away from the keyboard. Luckily a few hours later more level-headed folks hopped on my question to offer their perspective, which were still pretty grumpy but better than the previous comments. It left me with an overwhelming icky feeling so I’ve never been back. I’m not even interested in joining other mom’s groups or chat threads. Forget it.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not that surprised. I used to work for Yelp moderating chat threads, after all. And it’s just the state of the internet. People are bossy, crass, judgy and a whole lot more. I had simply hoped that in a moms-focused community I’d be able to get some balanced, or at least sympathetic, feedback. Well, hawhaw. I guess I’ll just go back to lurking!

Two things.

1) Any moms out there who can recommend a non-snipey mom’s website? Does that exist?

2) I’d love to hear about some snipey things you’ve been involved with online. ‘Cause you know I love me some gossip! (No personal names though, please.)

Image found on Mommy Fight Club.

1 reply »

  1. When Ola first got pregnant, I went to a Polish forum to ask some very specific, basic questions about residency, the closest embassy, etc. The responses were downright HATEFUL. The fact that they used my American nationality and unwed status (at the time) as ammo for ad hominem attacks made we wonder what they’d have done if they’d known I was Jewish. The replies had nothing to do with what I’d asked, they were just mean-spirited judgments.

    I think when you mix anonymity with not having anything to lose, it brings out the absolute worst in people. I don’t think (perhaps naively) that these same folk would behave as odiously in person. These are sad, and often frustrated people, and when you present yourself in need it awakens a predatory spirit in them. I don’t need to tell you to take it with a grain of salt, you’re perfectly capable of realizing their opinions are as vapid as their character.

    As far as parenting sites go, I’m a utilitarian kinda guy so I prefer babycenter, myself. Have you ever visited STFU, Parents? It’s not super useful, but it’s pretty entertaining.

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